Dude my mom stole all your condoms
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I have so many feelings about this burrito
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
