Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
