so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
