Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
