She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
