Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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