dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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