I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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