Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize