I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
