I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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