is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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