This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize