I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
