omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
