There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
