never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Less talking, more tequila
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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