At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
