I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
