he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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