Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
