Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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