apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
