A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
