READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize