I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
