I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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