you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
