were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
