I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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