I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
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