the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
