My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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