it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize