from now on my penis is your penis
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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