he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
