the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
