Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
