i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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