I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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