smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
