so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
