Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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