I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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