I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
