How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
