i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
