So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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