u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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