Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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