Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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