i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
