I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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