He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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