I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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