Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just googled if crying burns calories
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize