the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
