even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
