just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
