i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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