There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
