I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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