It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
