so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize