that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
