I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
