there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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