Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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