Im at strip club and am horny
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
