I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize