Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
