I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
