your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my being single is dangerous.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
