How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
